


in a state, a state of mind

by artsyspikedhair



Series: no aunt petunia no: one with the traumatized harry [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dissociation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Incest, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-08 00:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17376164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyspikedhair/pseuds/artsyspikedhair
Summary: I’ve been dissociated all day and when I broke out of it I wondered how the Sorting Hat would react to dissociated students and I still don’t know or like this but I need to have something good happen and I cannot write good stuff so this is what the world receives from my traumatized brain. Enjoy





	in a state, a state of mind

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been dissociated all day and when I broke out of it I wondered how the Sorting Hat would react to dissociated students and I still don’t know or like this but I need to have something good happen and I cannot write good stuff so this is what the world receives from my traumatized brain. Enjoy

Harry Potter had just entered the Great Hall when the feeling hit.

He had really thought that Hogwarts would be different, that somehow he would just lose the constant disconnect from reality that occurs whenever he was trapped in a crowd - after all, Hogwarts was escape, was  _safe._  

Yet the humming in his ears hummed. He could hear the girl from the train reciting words from that book, that history book, but he could not comprehend the words. He could see the weird looks, hear the whispers, but they felt like a world away, somehow he simply could not react.

A hat sang. Harry was seeing yet unseeing, ignoring Ron’s outrage over Fred having claimed he’d need to wrestle a troll not out of malice but out of inability. Crowds were dangerous, were when Dudley and Piers could shove him to their heart’s delight and he’d be the one who apologized. Crowds were dangerous and oh look, my sleeve’s being tugged, Harry thought absently as his feet moved on instinct. Looking down, he made his way to the stool without touching anyone.

The hat was on his head, but Harry was still not thinking. Not experiencing the Sorting, not really.

”Mr. Potter, you’ve been on many minds today.” Harry sat, memories swimming through his mind and therefore being accessible to the hat the way words were not to Harry.

Memories of crowds, shoving, angry disgruntled neighbors, his aunt punishing him for Dudley’s misdeeds punishment could be his hand held on the flames of the burner or a week in his cupboard and why was that preferable to crowds? Cupboard meant safety - yes he couldn’t get out but nobody (no body, no hands ghosting his body as he tried to do chores, no eyes burning into his skin no aunt petunia no) nobody else could get in.

”oh you poor, poor boy. I’m so sorry.” The hat thought, but the word sticking in Harry’s mind was boy boy 

boy you better get your butt out here if you know what’s good for you

boy your aunt wants you in the bedroom and if you don’t do what she wants the punishment will be fists and boots and broken skin, bones, pain pain pain

The crowd murmured among themselves - the-boy-who-lived a hatstall, of course! The boy who was dissociated and panicking right on stage. Minerva McGonagall could see him trembling but was not allowed to disrupt the Sorting.

The hat began to realize the time. “Harry? Harry?”

Harry replied aloud, otherwise he could not speak. “What? How long was I-“

”You’ve been dissociated for the past six minutes. I understand that you’re in a new place and you had expected to be fixed but your body is still conditioned from the previous nine years to react the way that you’ve always known.”

”What happens now?” Ohmygodsixminutes is too long will they send me home? Back to Uncle’s beatings and aunt’s touching and touching and -

“No. You are bright, resourceful, hardworking, and brave. I’ve already ruled out Gryffindor and Slytherin - Gryffindor is a family of crowds, and the Potions’ professor has a grudge against you for your father’s misdeeds. You will make a good Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, the choice is yours.”

”where will - I don’t want to be a freak. Where will I be able to learn magic and do well and not be touched or hurt or dissociate? If an adult could be trusted, that would be nice too.”

”You don’t trust women. Hogwarts will help you, even if it takes a long time. I hope you find what you need in RAVENCLAW”


End file.
